Comments (29)

By Elisa, November 15, 2009 3:47 pm

While growing-up, my maternal grandparents lived 30 minutes away but I usually saw them only on major Holidays.  This was not due to family conflicts or hard feelings.  My grandparents simply weren’t in to being grandparents.  They had raised four children and now preferred to spend their time with each other.  Life for them was now about them.  I can count on one hand the number of times they babysat me.  I think there were three times.  No.  Wait.  They babysat me more often than that!  Make that four times.

                My mother and in-laws are extremely involved in my daughter’s life.   Yet, I have friends whose children barely even know their grandparents.  I found these differences so intriguing that I attempted to put the types of Grandparents into 3 categories:

1.The “We’re  Just Not Into Being Grandparents” Grandparents

These grandparents may carry pictures of their grandchildren in their purse or wallets, but this depends.  Birthdays are usually remembered with either a present that is totally age inappropriate for the grandchild (toy that is either too juvenile or too complicated, wrong sized clothes) or a birthday card with a check enclosed. Pop-ins?  Never.  If they live at a distance, they do not require frequent pictures or developmental updates.  First tooth, first word, first day of Kindergarten: no big deal.  Grandchildren may be brought up in their conversations with others – but not necessarily.  Bowling, vacations, golf and dinners out are much more exciting than grandchildren.

*Note: a great accomplishment by a grandchild (i.e.: valedictorian of graduating class, basketball star of high school) may impress grandparent enough that grandchild is mentioned in conversation with others*

2. The “My Children Had Children Just So We Could Be Grandparents” Grandparents

These grandparents are the exact opposite of those listed above.  The “My Children Had Children Just So We Could Be Grandparents” grandparents have no true life outside of their grandchildren.  They NEED to know every minute detail.  First tooth, first word, and first day of Kindergarten – those are all to be expected.  These grandparents want to know the process of the first tooth.  “Is it in yet?”  “How’s that tooth coming along?”  First word?  Try first babble.  These grandparents tend to be fretters and love to offer advice.  They worry as much as you do (sometimes more) when one of your children is ill.  They need to know the minutia of the child’s day.  For those grandparents who live far away:  phone calls and e-mails are a daily occurrence (These grandparents have also been known to relocate to be closer to grandchildren).  For those who live close to their grandchildren: phone calls and pop-ins are frequent.  These grandparents are convinced that no other child is as smart as their grandchild.  (We were never this smart as children).  Everything the grandchild does is genius.  The grandchild never does wrong either, which makes disciplining your children in front of these grandparents a sticky situation.   Birthday presents are often excessive.  New grandchild on the way?  These grandparents believe this was done just for them.

3.The “Balanced Grandparent”

These grandparents are the perfect balance between the “We’re Just Not into Being Grandparents” and the “My Children had Children Just So We Could be Grandparents” grandparents.  They love to hear updates – but do not require them.  These grandparents are always willing to babysit but sometimes cannot because of prior engagements.  They trust their children in raising the grandchildren and do not feel the need to check-in or offer advice.  These grandparents are relaxed.  They know exactly what to get the grandchildren for birthdays and Holidays. Presents are not excessive.  They are not intrusive or negligent. They recognize that while their grandchildren are amazing and wonderful, they do not hold them on pedestals.  When these grandparents arrive at the house, we utter a sigh of relief.  They are helpful and the relationship they have with their grandchildren is balanced and healthy.

 My children have both sets of grandparents who toggle between the “Balanced Grandparent” and the “My Children Had Children Just So We Could Be Grandparents” categories.   Any further character traits and/or categories for grandparents are welcome for “The Thinking Moms”.

Comments (28)

By Elisa,

How many of us have small children who repeatedly say the most hilarious things? And how often do we always say to ourselves, “I really need to write this down?”

Well, now is your chance.  Lee and I invite you to share the funny things your Little Ones say on “The Thinking Moms”. 

I will start by telling my two favorite things my daughter has said:

When my daughter was 4 years old, she barged in on me while I was changing.  She took one look at the black bra I was wearing and said, “Ohhhh Mommy! When I grow up I want boobies just like yours!  Black ones that go over the shoulders!”

Then when she was 5, I was looking at her while she was sitting on the couch.  She suddenly seemed so big.  Those toddler years were now only a memory.  Feeling an overwhelming surge of nostalgia, I went over to my daughter and gathered her in my arms.

“Promise me will always be friends?” I asked, “Promise me that when you grow up we will call each other and talk on the phone?”

“Sure,” she answered, “If I have your number”.

Comments (65)

By Elisa,

Because my daughter was 4 1/2 years old before she slept through the night on a consistent basis, I was certain that I would have no problem dealing with the standard sleep deprivation that comes along with having an infant.  I mean, come on!  4 1/2 years I went with constant broken sleep.  What would a measly few weeks be?

And I was right, to a certain extent.  For the first two weeks after my son was born, I did quite well with the broken sleep.  When people asked how I was doing, I said I was “tired, but not exhausted”.  I considered myself a pro at functioning on disrupted slumber.  Allow me to say that I was even a bit cocky with how well I thought I was coping.

Then I hit a wall.

Suddenly, I thought I was going to go crazy.  Every night my son would scream from 8pm-11pm before falling asleep.  He would then wake at 1am and be up until 5am.  Sometimes he cried, sometimes he didn’t.  But he was always wide awake.  When I  finally would get him settled at 5am, my daughter would wake up at 5:30 am – giving me a half an hour in-between.

I became irritable.  I cried a lot.  I was confused.  Why was the milk in the cabinet and the fork in the refrigerator?  Why was I wearing two different shoes? Why was it so hard to remember certain words?  Simple math became difficult.  On several occasions I over-fed my son because I had miscalculated the last time I nursed him.

For the 4 hours that my son was awake during those wee early morning hours, I tried to deal.  We had starring contests (I always lost).  One night I spent two hours trying to remember the first name of George Costanza’s father.  John Costanza?  Larry?  When it finally dawned that it was Frank Costanza, I was so proud that I walked into my bedroom so that I could tell my husband that I had finally remembered.  I then realized it was 2:20 in the morning and he was sound asleep.  And now what was I going to think of for the next 2 hours?

The nights were lonely.  I watched, one by one, the lights go off in neighbors’ homes.  This made me feel even more isolated.  When my son cried, I cried too.  I bargained with God.  “Just give me two hours of sleep – just two hours – and I promise to never complain again!”  I then got fierce.  “After creating the world you rested on the 7th day!  I haven’t rested in weeks!”  Indeed, I was going insane.

One blessed morning when I finally got my Little Guy to sleep at 3am, my daughter woke up.  “Mommy!” she called out, “What are you doing?  Is it time to get up?  Where’s the baby?  What are we going to do today? How many days until Christmas?” (It was July).

I have read that sleep deprivation and nagging are forms of torture.  Therefore, any woman with a newborn and small child is subjected to torture on a daily basis.

And I will never forget the day when my husband came home from work and announced he was tired.  As soon as the words left his mouth a look of horror crossed his face and he quickly said, “I’m sorry!  I didn’t mean that!”

What had I become that no one else had the right to complain of being tired?

By 7 weeks my son started going to sleep after his feedings.  What a relief.  Then, gradually, those feedings lessened until he was sleeping for 6 hour blocks by the time he was 4 months old.

But, alas, I am still getting up at night with my 6 year old daughter.  Some things never change.

Comments (102)

By Elisa, November 13, 2009 4:38 pm

Warning:  Before your next visit to Babies R Us – beware of their return policy.  Or shall I say, their “Refusal to Accept Returns” policy. 

Babies R Us does NOT accept returns without a gift receipt. ( This is why they give you a gift receipt even if you are purchasing an item as small as a pack of gum). This is a fine policy – for a store that is not based solely around registries as Babies R Us is.  For those of us who received baby shower gifts, this policy makes it impossible to return items we received as gifts but were never given a gift receipt.

But note:  they also don’t accept returns even if you do have a receipt.

I recently attempted to return 2 baby outfits I received after my son was born.  I was never given a gift receipt for either.  The clothes still had the Babies R Us tags on them.  When I tried to return the clothes for store credit, the cashier refused to accept them.  I pointed out the Babies R Us tags still attached to the clothes, but the cashier insisted that a gift receipt was necessary.

I then tried to return a bottle warmer I was given.  The gift receipt was still attached to the box.  The cashier also refused to accept this item as well.  She stated that the item was purchased over 90 days ago and they do not accept returns on items over 90 days old.  Trying to explain why I did not have the chance to visit their store sooner with a newborn was fruitless. 

A friend of mine also tried to return a package of onesies she had recently purchased at Babies R Us.  Once she returned home she realized she had bought the wrong size.  When she went back to the store (with receipt in hand) several days later, she was told they would not accept the onesies since they had “just discontinued selling that style”.  The store would not issue my friend store credit.

I went to the Babies R Us website to file a complaint on their return policy but (shockingly) could not find where to contact the store with complaints.  I finally called their 1-800 number and spoke to a Customer Representative.  She offered little sympathy for my plight and pretty much reiterated their policy of 1) needing a gift receipt 2) all returns must be made within 45-90 days.  She did say she was sending my complaint to corporate – which is probably code for “paper shredder”.

So whenever you purchase items, or receive a gift, from Babies R Us – beware of their insanely strict return policy.  Because they were  unable to accommodate my situation twice (after I have spent hundreds of dollars at their store) I am now refusing to shop there.