The Thinking Moms

Grandparents

By Elisa, November 15, 2009 3:47 pm

While growing-up, my maternal grandparents lived 30 minutes away but I usually saw them only on major Holidays. This was not due to family conflicts or hard feelings. My grandparents simply weren’t in to being grandparents. They had raised four children and now preferred to spend their time with each other. Life for them was now about them. I can count on one hand the number of times they babysat me. I think there were three times. No. Wait. They babysat me more often than that! Make that four times.

My mother and in-laws are extremely involved in my daughter’s life. Yet, I have friends whose children barely even know their grandparents. I found these differences so intriguing that I attempted to put the types of Grandparents into 3 categories:

1.The “We’re Just Not Into Being Grandparents” Grandparents

These grandparents may carry pictures of their grandchildren in their purse or wallets, but this depends. Birthdays are usually remembered with either a present that is totally age inappropriate for the grandchild (toy that is either too juvenile or too complicated, wrong sized clothes) or a birthday card with a check enclosed. Pop-ins? Never. If they live at a distance, they do not require frequent pictures or developmental updates. First tooth, first word, first day of Kindergarten: no big deal. Grandchildren may be brought up in their conversations with others – but not necessarily. Bowling, vacations, golf and dinners out are much more exciting than grandchildren.

*Note: a great accomplishment by a grandchild (i.e.: valedictorian of graduating class, basketball star of high school) may impress grandparent enough that grandchild is mentioned in conversation with others*

2. The “My Children Had Children Just So We Could Be Grandparents” Grandparents

These grandparents are the exact opposite of those listed above. The “My Children Had Children Just So We Could Be Grandparents” grandparents have no true life outside of their grandchildren. They NEED to know every minute detail. First tooth, first word, and first day of Kindergarten – those are all to be expected. These grandparents want to know the process of the first tooth. “Is it in yet?” “How’s that tooth coming along?” First word? Try first babble. These grandparents tend to be fretters and love to offer advice. They worry as much as you do (sometimes more) when one of your children is ill. They need to know the minutia of the child’s day. For those grandparents who live far away: phone calls and e-mails are a daily occurrence (These grandparents have also been known to relocate to be closer to grandchildren). For those who live close to their grandchildren: phone calls and pop-ins are frequent. These grandparents are convinced that no other child is as smart as their grandchild. (We were never this smart as children). Everything the grandchild does is genius. The grandchild never does wrong either, which makes disciplining your children in front of these grandparents a sticky situation. Birthday presents are often excessive. New grandchild on the way? These grandparents believe this was done just for them.

3.The “Balanced Grandparent”

These grandparents are the perfect balance between the “We’re Just Not into Being Grandparents” and the “My Children had Children Just So We Could be Grandparents” grandparents. They love to hear updates – but do not require them. These grandparents are always willing to babysit but sometimes cannot because of prior engagements. They trust their children in raising the grandchildren and do not feel the need to check-in or offer advice. These grandparents are relaxed. They know exactly what to get the grandchildren for birthdays and Holidays. Presents are not excessive. They are not intrusive or negligent. They recognize that while their grandchildren are amazing and wonderful, they do not hold them on pedestals. When these grandparents arrive at the house, we utter a sigh of relief. They are helpful and the relationship they have with their grandchildren is balanced and healthy.

My children have both sets of grandparents who toggle between the “Balanced Grandparent” and the “My Children Had Children Just So We Could Be Grandparents” categories. Any further character traits and/or categories for grandparents are welcome for “The Thinking Moms”.

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